Letting Go

What is it about the first time your child has an accident away from home and you panic. Sheer panic, dread, helplessness. Actually, I knew this time was coming. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I just knew, I just knew, I just knew. In the details of this knowing the youngest child was in a car accident in Los Angeles. Front end of the car is damaged. Dad is upset about his insurance. But he is OK. What is not OK was feeling there was absolutely nothing I could do. No rescue, no advice, no taking control. Panic, dread, helplessness. It was amazing. We were in the grocery store(doing that holiday shopping thing) I'm down one aisle hes down another. I find what I'm looking for and go searching for him. I come upon him and hes on the phone with not a good facial expression. Now this could be about anything from a client to a relative. But getting closer and listening i realize this is about one of the children. I hear accident. Its the young one(hes the one with the car) My breath is in my throat. My heart beat stopped, my eyes were tearing up. Stop this. You don't even know. But everytime I looked at Dad. I couldn't could even think. Turn around silly, get it together. I do that. I count and realize this is part of letting go and letting life happen to everyone in my family without me. Calm, resolve, peacefulness. I still was a little scared but all turned out well.